IELTS.WORK

IELTS Free Online Writing Practice - Write an essay on the Is individualism more valued than collectivism in modern society?.

IELTS.WORK Free Online Writing Practice # 1710663887

Task: Write an essay on the topic "Is individualism more valued than collectivism in modern society?".

Model Answer:
In today's rapidly evolving world, there is a growing emphasis on individualism and self-reliance. This essay will examine whether this value system has overtaken the traditional collectivist mentality in contemporary society.

The concept of individualism places importance on the autonomy, independence, and personal freedom of an individual. The rise of globalization, liberal democracy, and technological advancements have contributed to a greater focus on individualism. For instance, the internet has provided people with unprecedented access to information, allowing them to make independent choices and develop their unique perspectives. Additionally, consumer-driven economies promote the notion of personal satisfaction and material success.

On the other hand, collectivism is a social system that prioritizes group interests over individual desires. Historically, societies with strong collectivist values have been observed in Confucian China, Japan, and certain African and Latin American cultures. In these societies, harmony, cooperation, and interdependence are highly valued.

In modern society, it can be argued that individualism has become more prominent than collectivism. The increasing emphasis on personal achievement and self-expression is a testament to this shift. For example, the concept of a meritocracy, where success is determined by an individual's abilities and effort, has gained significant traction in various fields such as education, employment, and politics. This mindset encourages individuals to focus on their personal growth rather than conforming to societal norms.

Furthermore, the rise of social media platforms has amplified the importance of individualism. The desire to create a unique online persona has led people to share their personal stories, opinions, and accomplishments, thereby promoting self-expression and individuality. This phenomenon can be seen as evidence that modern society values individualism over collectivism.

However, it is essential to acknowledge the importance of maintaining a balance between individualism and collectivism. While the pursuit of individual goals can lead to innovation and personal growth, excessive focus on self-interest may result in societal divisions and a lack of social cohesion. Collectivist values, on the other hand, emphasize the significance of community and interdependence, which are vital for social stability and harmony.

In conclusion, contemporary society appears to place greater value on individualism than collectivism. Factors such as globalization, consumer-driven economies, and the rise of social media have contributed to this shift. However, it is crucial to strike a balance between these two ideologies to ensure a harmonious and cohesive society.

Task Evaluation:
- Task Response: The essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing the role of individualism and collectivism in modern society, as well as providing evidence to support the argument. (Band Score: 7)
- Coherence and Coherence: The essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The transition between paragraphs is smooth and relevant. (Band Score: 8)
- Lexical Resource: The language used in the essay is generally appropriate and accurate. However, there are some minor errors that could be improved upon. (Band Score: 7)
- Grammatical Range & Accuracy: The grammar and syntax are mostly accurate, but there are a few minor mistakes that slightly affect clarity. (Band Score: 7)
- Presentation of Ideas: The essay presents ideas in a clear and concise manner, with appropriate use of examples and evidence to support the argument. (Band Score: 8)

Source: https://www.ielts.work/?id=1710663887&page=ielts-writing-practice

For more: https://www.ielts.work/?page=ielts-writing-practice